If We Listen
You never listen to me! You’re always interrupting me!”
The little girl in line behind me at Wal-Mart was screaming at her father. I turned to look and immediately recognized an all-too-familiar sight: It was dinner time and the Daddy was rushing around Wal-Mart with his two preschoolers trying to run a last minute errand. The oldest, a girl about 4, was clearly exasperated with her father’s inattentiveness. The youngest, a boy about 2, was quite oblivious to the whole thing.
I had heard the same accusation from my own daughters on occasion. Fatigue, busy-ness, or just being tired of listening sometimes can close a parent’s heart and ears to their children.
“Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh,” I have said in response to some interminable story about their playmates or activities.
“And then she said ....” my daughter would relate excitedly.
“Uh-huh,” I’d mutter, seeming about as attentive as the wall.
Sometimes at the end of the day, I just want to shut down. I am tired. I’ve been listening all day. I don’t want to hear any more blather.
“Honey, could you please stop talking for a while?” I have pleaded with my child.
They would stop talking, but the sadness and the disappointment on their face would speak volumes.
In contrast, have you noticed their beautiful faces when you look directly at their eyes, hold them, and drink in every word that they are saying? They light up and their life and their story shines through every cell of their being. You are really listening! You are excited about who they are and what they are sharing! Life is good to a child who is really listened to.
When we shut them off, I believe a small door closes in their hearts. If enough of those doors close, soon their hearts will be bolted shut to us when we want them to talk to us and when they most need to talk to us. They’ll find someone else to share their life with. A friend, a girlfriend, a boyfriend. That door will stay closed until they are ready to let us in again - after we have proven ourselves worthy.
If we listen - they will talk.
We must listen NOW, while they still want to share everything with us.
If we listen now, they will KEEP talking.
Christine will be speaking at the upcoming convention. Be sure to visit her booth in the Exhibit Hall listed as “Home Field Advantage”.